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"This parenting book actually made me a better parent."—Lydia Kiesling, The New York Times
From #1 New York Times bestselling authors, the ultimate "parenting bible" (The Boston Globe)—a timeless, beloved book on how to effectively communicate with your child. This bestselling classic by internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children includes fresh insights and suggestions, as well as the author's time-tested methods to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships, including innovative ways to:
Cope with your child's negative feelings, such as frustration, anger, and disappointment
Express your strong feelings without being hurtful
Engage your child's willing cooperation
Set firm limits and maintain goodwill
Use alternatives to punishment that promote self-discipline
Understand the difference between helpful and unhelpful praise
Resolve family conflicts peacefully
Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, Faber and Mazlish's down-to-earth, respectful approach makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.
"This parenting book actually made me a better parent."—Lydia Kiesling, The New York Times
From #1 New York Times bestselling authors, the ultimate "parenting bible" (The Boston Globe)—a timeless, beloved book on how to effectively communicate with your child. This bestselling classic by internationally acclaimed experts on communication between parents and children includes fresh insights and suggestions, as well as the author's time-tested methods to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships, including innovative ways to:
Cope with your child's negative feelings, such as frustration, anger, and disappointment
Express your strong feelings without being hurtful
Engage your child's willing cooperation
Set firm limits and maintain goodwill
Use alternatives to punishment that promote self-discipline
Understand the difference between helpful and unhelpful praise
Resolve family conflicts peacefully
Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, Faber and Mazlish's down-to-earth, respectful approach makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.
Due to publisher restrictions the library cannot purchase additional copies of this title, and we apologize if there is a long waiting list. Be sure to check for other copies, because there may be other editions available.
Due to publisher restrictions the library cannot purchase additional copies of this title, and we apologize if there is a long waiting list. Be sure to check for other copies, because there may be other editions available.
Excerpts-
From the book
1 Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
PART I
I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs. Then I had three of my own.
Living with real children can be humbling. Every morning I would tell myself, "Today is going to be different," and every morning was a variation of the one before: "You gave her more than me!" . . . "That's the pink cup. I want the blue cup." . . . "This oatmeal looks like throw-up." . . . "He punched me." . . . "I never touched him!" . . . "I won't go to my room. You're not the boss over me!"
They finally wore me down. And though it was the last thing I ever dreamed I'd be doing, I joined a parent group. The group met at a local child-guidance center and was led by a young psychologist, Dr. Haim Ginott.
The meeting was intriguing. The subject was "children's feelings," and the two hours sped by. I came home with a head spinning with new thoughts and a notebook full of undigested ideas:
Direct connection between how kids feel and how they behave.
When kids feel right, they'll behave right.
How do we help them to feel right?
By accepting their feelings!
Problem--Parents don't usually accept their children's feelings. For example:
"You don't really feel that way."
"You're just saying that because you're tired."
"There's no reason to be so upset."
Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kids. Also teaches them not to know what their feelings are--not to trust them.
After the session I remember thinking, "Maybe other parents do that. I don't." Then I started listening to myself. Here are some sample conversations from my home--just from a single day.
CHILD:
Mommy, I'm tired.
ME:
You couldn't be tired. You just napped.
CHILD:
(louder) But I'm tired.
ME:
You're not tired. You're just a little sleepy. Let's get dressed.
CHILD:
(wailing) No, I'm tired!
CHILD:
Mommy, it's hot in here.
ME:
It's cold. Keep your sweater on.
CHILD:
No, I'm hot.
ME:
I said, "Keep your sweater on!"
CHILD:
No, I'm hot.
CHILD:
That TV show was boring.
ME:
No, it wasn't. It was very interesting.
CHILD:
It was stupid.
ME:
It was educational.
CHILD:
It stunk.
ME:
Don't talk that way!
Can you see what was happening? Not only were all our conversations turning into arguments, I was also telling my children over and over again not to trust their own perceptions but to rely on mine instead.
Once I was aware of what I was doing, I was determined to change. But I wasn't sure how to go about it. What finally helped me most was actually putting myself in my children's shoes. I asked myself,...
About the Author-
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are #1 New York Times bestselling and award-winning authors whose books have sold more than five million copies and have been translated into over thirty languages. The authors' group workshop programs and videos are currently being used by thousands of parent and teacher groups around the world. They currently reside in Long Island, New York and each is the parent of three children.
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Scribner
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