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I Thought It Was Just Me
Cover of I Thought It Was Just Me
I Thought It Was Just Me
Researcher, thought leader, and New York Times bestselling author Brené Brown offers a liberating study on the importance of our imperfections—both to our relationships and to our own sense of self
The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection.
Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, is the leading authority on the power of vulnerability, and has inspired thousands through her top-selling books Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, and The Gifts of Imperfection, her wildly popular TEDx talks, and a PBS special. Based on seven years of her ground-breaking research and hundreds of interviews, I Thought It Was Just Me shines a long-overdue light on an important truth: Our imperfections are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Our vulnerabilities are not weaknesses; they are powerful reminders to keep our hearts and minds open to the reality that we’re all in this together.
Brown writes, “We need our lives back. It’s time to reclaim the gifts of imperfection—the courage to be real, the compassion we need to love ourselves and others, and the connection that gives true purpose and meaning to life. These are the gifts that bring love, laughter, gratitude, empathy and joy into our lives.”
Researcher, thought leader, and New York Times bestselling author Brené Brown offers a liberating study on the importance of our imperfections—both to our relationships and to our own sense of self
The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection.
Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, is the leading authority on the power of vulnerability, and has inspired thousands through her top-selling books Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, and The Gifts of Imperfection, her wildly popular TEDx talks, and a PBS special. Based on seven years of her ground-breaking research and hundreds of interviews, I Thought It Was Just Me shines a long-overdue light on an important truth: Our imperfections are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Our vulnerabilities are not weaknesses; they are powerful reminders to keep our hearts and minds open to the reality that we’re all in this together.
Brown writes, “We need our lives back. It’s time to reclaim the gifts of imperfection—the courage to be real, the compassion we need to love ourselves and others, and the connection that gives true purpose and meaning to life. These are the gifts that bring love, laughter, gratitude, empathy and joy into our lives.”
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    Table of Contents

     

    Title Page

    Copyright Page

    Dedication

    Acknowledgements

    INTRODUCTION

     

    ONE - Understanding Shame

    TWO - Shame Resilience and the Power of Empathy

    THREE - The First Element: Recognizing Shame and Understanding Our Triggers

    FOUR - The Second Element: Practicing Critical Awareness

    FIVE - The Third Element: Reaching Out

    SIX - The Fourth Element: Speaking Shame

    SEVEN - Practicing Courage in a Culture of Fear

    EIGHT - Practicing Compassion in a Culture of Blame

    NINE - Practicing Connection in a Culture of Disconnection

    TEN - Creating a Culture of Connection

     

    RECOMMENDATIONS, RESOURCES AND REFERENCES

    INDEX

    About the Author

    GOTHAM BOOKS
    Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
    375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.
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    Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi -110017,
    India; Penguin Group (NZ), cnr Airborne and Rosedale Roads, Albany, Auckland 1310,
    New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd); Penguin Books (South Africa)
    (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

     
    Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

     
    Published by Gotham Books, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

     
    First printing, February 2007

     
    Copyright © 2007 by Brené Brown

     
    All rights reserved

     
    “Shame” © 1988 by Vern Rutsala is reprinted with permission of the author.

     
    Gotham Books and the skyscraper logo are trademarks of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

     
    LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
    Brown, C. Brené
    I thought it was just me : women reclaiming power and courage in a culture of shame /
    Brené Brown.
    p. cm.

    ISBN: 9781440622229

    1. Women—Psychology. 2. Shame. I. Title.
    HQ1206.B765 2007
    152.4’4082—dc22 2006026945

     
    Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

     
    The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.

     
    While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or...

Reviews-
  • Publisher's Weekly

    November 13, 2006
    University of Houston researcher and social worker Brown believes shame underlies the spread of depression, anxiety, eating disorders and much more, and drawing on a study of hundreds of women, she constructs a method for overcoming it. Brown defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging" and believes its spread has been created by conflicting and competing expectations about who women should be. Women feel shame about their appearance, about motherhood, family, money/work, health, stereotypes and trauma. Brown quotes liberally from the women she has studied and, most enlighteningly, gives examples from her own experiences juggling motherhood, career and her social life. These revelations underscore her belief in the importance of exposing shame and, through empathy, helping oneself and others move past it. She underscores the need to practice critical awareness, i.e., understanding the social forces that create shame in us can help us fight the sense of shame. Thus, Brown presents a spirited attack on the media and the beauty industry for presenting unrealistic images of women. Directing readers to focus on personal growth as opposed to unattainable perfection, Brown urges them to practice shame-resilience skills and teach them to their children.

  • Library Journal

    December 1, 2006
    Brown (social work, Univ. of Houston Graduate Sch. of Social Work) studies grounded theory, social policy, and shame. Her interests converge in this self-help book, which is directed at women and their dissatisfaction with themselves and the circumstances of their lives (she indicates that much of this dissatisfaction stems from messages women get from current culture). Although Brown is clearly passionate and knowledgeable about her subject and has a smooth writing style, her book is thin on content. On several topics, it is only a reworking of her "Women & Shame: Reaching Out, Speaking Truths and Building Connection". That work had a fresher, folksier approach and should also be considered by public libraries interested in adding this topic to their self-help collections. For those looking for a scholarly approach to this subject, June Price Tangney's works are good choices, especially "Shame and Guilt".Fran Mentch, Cleveland State Univ. Lib.

    Copyright 2006 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

  • Booklist

    February 15, 2007
    Interviewing hundreds of women over six years, Brown was constantly faced with the shame just talking about shame induced. She explores how and why this universal human emotion is particularly present in women and how it affects behavior and relationships. She relates women's stories of shame about everything from obsession over appearance to sexual abuse, abuse of alcohol and drugs, and inadequacies as mothers, wives, and lovers. Brown offers insights and strategies for understanding shame and overcoming its power over women. She begins by defining shame and differentiating it from other emotions, and explores how shame is used and induced in the broader culture. She then identifies four elements of resilience: recognizing shame triggers, critical awareness, reaching out for help and connection with others, and speaking out about shame. She advises women on practicing courage, compassion, and connection to overcome cultures of fear, blame, and disconnection. An interesting look at a debilitating emotion that stunts the potential of too many women.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2007, American Library Association.)

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